Sunday, May 15, 2011

Facebook Frenzy

First Published  4/17/2010 1:58:00 AM

  Anyone not familiar with the Facebook phenomenon won't understand this post so let me try to explain. Facebook is a social networking site on the Internet where people can contact and share their lives with friends, relatives and acquaintances. Although there are differing opinions, I feel it has a lot of value in todays society. The busier we become and the more physical distance we put between ourselves, the harder it is to keep connected with people we'd like to have in our lives. It can be a great tool to keep in touch with relatives that aren't close by. High school, college and work contacts you haven't seen or cared to talk to in twenty years are suddenly your friends.  It's great fun. I pretty much mainline Facebook.

  There is a "Profile Status" which can be updated as often as you wish and all of your friends on your list can read it. I change mine a few times a week. I recently updated my status and a friend of mine commented that my house is a "total comedy skit." I was thinking of being offended, but then decided to take an honest look at my updates.

MY FACEBOOK STATUS UPDATES (In no particular order)

     I'm convinced I'd have an easier time starting a fire in the woodstove if it was moved into the kitchen.....

     Rob and Chelsea's dog, Diesel just arrived. We are watching him for a few days. I now have FOUR Boston Terriers running circles around the house...I am seeing black and white and black and white and black and white and get the idea!

     My daughter is all upset that she got a bit part in the school play...I'm not sure how that happened because the DRAMA QUEEN has been honing her skills all afternoon...I need a drink...

     I've come to the conclusion that it's not me! The kitchen smoke alarm just needs to be moved. To the backyard maybe?

     My 8 yr old daughter has determined her life is unbearable-she says there's no  food in the house, there's no one to play with, her life is miserable and she has no good toys. She's better be getting sick cause if she's not, I plan on sending her to Haiti for a reality check.

     Just read that frowning burns more calories than smiling... at least it's a good excuse for the extra weight *sigh*

     Had to call the Coon Man once again today because a raccoon infiltrated our new roof- (you know, the one we just had put on to keep the them out). Adding insult to injury, it's raining, and because of the raccoon hole and the rain, the ceiling is leaking. Badly. Just another day in paradise....

     Easter baking. Braided Spinach Artichoke Recipe says "make 3 inch slices down each side about 1.5 inches apart. Do not cut through center area" Huh? No indication of how many strips and how do you do that? Called mom. Took her 15 minutes to explain- Seems it's more of a FRENCH braid and I had Pippi Longstocking stuck in my head! Got it now!

    So I pointed out to the hubby (proudly I might add) that I started a fire in the woodstove all by myself. He said, "What did ya do, throw in a hamburger?" My culinary reputation precedes me......

     My daughter and her cousin Erin are pretending to be princesses that belch. Pretending the princess part apparently, because the belching part is quite real.

     I think the whole damned world has gone crazy- I just saw a commercial for "Booty Pop' underwear. They are padded butt lifters/enhancers. I think they look ridiculous. What is up with that? Are there that many of us out there that need our asses to look BIGGER? A bra named Booby Pop on the other hand.....

    "Warning evacuate, smoke in kitchen, evacuate!" Danger Will Robinson, danger! Jeeez! All I did was try to cook it fast! (sigh)

     The camper was brought home today! I love it, that is, until I remember that this means there is yet another bathroom for me to clean....

    I tried on a hat and asked Marisa how it looked. She said- "Mom! It looks very good, if you were in the back yard and if no one was here to visit and if it was kinda dark. Actually mom, you never look good in hats." Jeez, I went through labor for this?

    Ok- have to suck it up on this one- 3 days ago I bought Marisa two hermit crabs. Steve said that he would give it three days before they are dead or missing. Well, watch where you step boys and girls, we have an escapee......and noooo, that's nothing at all like saying "Honey, you were right."

    The kids are off most of next week for school vacation. My daughter was allowed to bring home her recorder for the break. Who comes up with this stuff? What did I ever do to the music teacher? Why does she hate me?

    This evening my daughter showed me how to play "Ode to Joy" on her recorder using her left nostril. She was quite proud. I'm not good enough to make this stuff up....really.

    Ok, I'm really, really, really, glad this rain isn't all snow. Now that I've been thankful, here comes the bitch- I had to pick up 60 or so cases of Girl Scout cookies in this freakin monsoon eight hours ago and I still feel soggy...Thank you for that moment. Now let us return you to your regularly scheduled programming.

     There are like 400 boxes of Girl Scout cookies are in my cupboard and I have not eaten one of them! I am so proud! My secret? Every time I want one, I just eat a slice of Panera three cheese bread (toasted, with butter) instead. It really staves off the Thin Mint cravings.
    Ok so I got an early Happy Birthday letter from AARP. Nuff said.
     Went to the gym today with water in my water bottle, not black coffee....thinking I should get kudos from my nutritionist sister-in-law. I'll be right here waiting Kerry.

     Just entertained my son my by singing the 40 year old Partridge Family favorite "I Think I Love You" in its entirety along with a few choice dance moves. I'm not sure how impressed he is, but hell, I was!

     So, how come the body keeps getting older, but inside my head I'm still 20? Somehow or another, that just can't be right...

    I was watching my little puppy run and jump around in the snow like he was having the time of his life. Then it dawned on me that we had 14" of snow and his legs are less than 8" long. Poor Bandit! Probably hopping all around cause he was freezing his little thing off! HAHAHAHA!

    My daughter did something self centered and rude- so I turned and said "What, you think you're the only person on the planet?" and she said "Duh, no...who would pay the bills?"

     Well, my daughter and two friends are using the karoake machine. My husband (who tucked that little ditty into Santa's bag) is conveniently at work....I wish I knew how to pull an engine...It would be worth it to trade places.

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