Sunday, May 15, 2011

Exercise With Caution

Another resurrected post:

Exercise With Caution

As some of you know, I am attending a cardio kickboxing class five days a week.  It is a lot of work and great fun.  Regrettably, I have also found out just how dangerous it can be.

I am currently sporting a staple in my head.

No, I didn’t get kicked nor did I drop a weight on myself.

I keep trying to come up with a better story, but the truth is that while in the bathroom at the gym,  I somehow dislodged the toilet paper roll from the holder.  I watched while it did a frantic little dance across the floor and I dove as it rolled to a stop.  Smug in the knowledge that my trainer would be proud that I used my new found lunging skills in a real world application, I grabbed the roll and jumped up. 

Unfortunately there was a cabinet above me and my head came up into the corner. Hard.

I couldn’t get it to stop bleeding so I drove to my doctor’s office.  It was promptly decided that I needed “the trauma room” and a staple in my head to close the wound.


“So, how about we stitch that thing instead, doc?”  I ventured.

“Sure we can do that” she said, “but I’d have to shave a portion of your head.”


As I awaited my staple, the doctor called the nurse.  Nurse number one then called another nurse and that nurse called the PA.  The Novocaine that was shot into my head was starting to wear off.

“Uh guys, is there a problem?” 

“No, not really, we just aren’t sure how to use this particular stapler.” said nurse one.

“It’s older technology” volunteered nurse two.

My doctor added, “We may have to stitch it after all.”


“By law, I need to tell you guys that I'm in week five of cardio kickboxing and my body is officially a weapon." I said.  "I'm ready to pounce, I'm spring loaded and just a bit over-wound right now.  I can’t be responsible for my actions if you come near my head with a razor.”

The doctor bestowed me with a look that silently indicated I was a moron.

Five minutes later my head was stapled.  I didn’t even feel it. I got up, ready to leave when she asked, “How long has it been since you had a tetanus shot?”

“Hmmm, well, that depends on how long are they good for...”

“Ten years”

“Oh!  Then I had one eight years ago.”

Again, I got “the look.”

I sighed and rolled up my sleeve.

Afterwards, I drove to my husbands shop.  He came out to meet me, concern in his eyes, an oversized magnet in his hand. He started rotating it in a figure eight pattern as he pointed it at my head..

“Darn" he said.  "It doesn’t work.  I really was hoping there was enough metal that the magnet would make your head move. Now that would be funny!”

A few things about this day that I wish to add:

1- The tetanus shot hurt a lot worse than the staple.
2- I did go to my kickboxing class the next morning.
3- Practice “the look.”  You may have to use it on your husband.

Have a great day!

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