I went to the grocery store last week and grabbed the usual, milk, bread, and eggs. As I was about to check out, on an endcap...were MALLOMARS!
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The weather is getting cooler. For some people it is a sad signal that
summer is over, for others it is a sign to head upstate and watch the leaves
turn brilliant shades of scarlet, yellow and orange. For yet another subset of people it is a time
of introspection, the fall equinox, the natural order of things. For me, well, the fall means celebration, a
time of joy for once again, it is Mallomar season.
I'm sure you're familiar with these cookies, but just in case...a Mallomar is a gently domed marshmallow enthroned
on a round graham cracker that is then covered entirely in pure dark
chocolate. Eating one is exotic and
dangerous- a little retro- kind of like having sex with a biker dude on the
roof of a VW van...(Just heresay mind you, no first hand knowledge!) but it is
THAT good.
When I was pregnant with my daughter, I developed sudden
cravings for Mallomars somewhere around my sixth month. It was June. I went to
Waldbaums, money gripped tightly in my fist- ready to pay whatever price.
Anticipating my first luxurious chocolate covered bite- I
searched the shelves, walked up and down the aisles, but there were none.
Undaunted, I headed down the road to King Kullen were alas, also, not one box
was to be found.
A store employee was stocking shelves with animal crackers a
little further down the aisle so I approached him and asked ...
"Where would I find the Mallomars?" By this time my best guess was that they were
enshrined in some special area of the store, probably in a goldtone case with
MALLOMARS spelled out in Diva lights. I just needed him to point me in the right
direction.
"Mallomars? Oh
well, you won't see them until the end of September."
"Huh?" I
felt a wave of faintness as a few pregnancy hormones did a full head rotation.
"Ok look, that is unacceptable, you need to order them and get them in
NOW!" My voice dropped a few octaves and the "N-O-W came out sounding much like Darth Vader.
He backed up a few steps, shrugged nervously and said
"Look Lady, they don't ship them all summer. They melt. You won't find
them anywhere."
I went home and immediately called Nabisco headquarters in New Jersey
CLICK! Somehow we got disconnected. Figures. Jersey !
I tried again, pushing various option buttons until I got
connected to a saleswoman who introduced herself as Pat. "Pat! Hey! I need some Mallomars- the stores here don't
have them- can you please send me a few dozen boxes direct please?"
"Uh, no. Lady,
we don't ship Mallomars from April to September. They melt"
"I've heard that- But look Pat...I am right here in New York
"Sorry- we don't even have any to send. We've stopped
production for the summer"
My voice took on the same low deep timbre as it did with the
man in the store. I spoke slowly and carefully into the phone.
"Pat...Pat...look, I'm six months pregnant and
desperate. I KNOW there are a few boxes kicking around there, maybe under your
desk even. Pat....Pat...Are you holding out on me? Keeping all of that rich gooey chocoate
goodness to yourself? I know where you
live Pat....I'm even sure your desk is on the first floor...are you sure you
don't want to send me a few little cookies? Pat...I have ways...."
CLICK!
I sighed and rubbed my belly. My poor daughter would never experience a
Mallomar in utero. I had introduced her
to a number of the finer gastric pleasures like hot naked buffalo wings, White
Castle Hamburgers and dirty water dogs from a roadside truck, but this delight
would have to wait.
I took a graham cracker, a slab of dark chocolate and a
marshmallow, stacked them and threw the pile into the microwave for 10 seconds.
It would have to do.
Then I made 4 more...
and waited.
