I went to the grocery store last week and grabbed the usual, milk, bread, and eggs. As I was about to check out, on an endcap...were MALLOMARS!
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The weather is getting cooler. For some people it is a sad signal that summer is over, for others it is a sign to head upstate and watch the leaves turn brilliant shades of scarlet, yellow and orange. For yet another subset of people it is a time of introspection, the fall equinox, the natural order of things. For me, well, the fall means celebration, a time of joy for once again, it is Mallomar season.
I'm sure you're familiar with these cookies, but just in case...a Mallomar is a gently domed marshmallow enthroned on a round graham cracker that is then covered entirely in pure dark chocolate. Eating one is exotic and dangerous- a little retro- kind of like having sex with a biker dude on the roof of a VW van...(Just heresay mind you, no first hand knowledge!) but it is THAT good.
When I was pregnant with my daughter, I developed sudden cravings for Mallomars somewhere around my sixth month. It was June. I went to Waldbaums, money gripped tightly in my fist- ready to pay whatever price.
Anticipating my first luxurious chocolate covered bite- I searched the shelves, walked up and down the aisles, but there were none. Undaunted, I headed down the road to King Kullen were alas, also, not one box was to be found.
A store employee was stocking shelves with animal crackers a little further down the aisle so I approached him and asked ...
"Where would I find the Mallomars?" By this time my best guess was that they were enshrined in some special area of the store, probably in a goldtone case with MALLOMARS spelled out in Diva lights. I just needed him to point me in the right direction.
"Mallomars? Oh well, you won't see them until the end of September."
"Huh?" I felt a wave of faintness as a few pregnancy hormones did a full head rotation. "Ok look, that is unacceptable, you need to order them and get them in NOW!" My voice dropped a few octaves and the "N-O-W came out sounding much like Darth Vader.
He backed up a few steps, shrugged nervously and said "Look Lady, they don't ship them all summer. They melt. You won't find them anywhere."
I went home and immediately called Nabisco headquarters in
where I asked
for the president of the company. When they refused to put me through I asked
for the vice president. When that didn't
work, I asked for Willy Wonka. New Jersey
CLICK! Somehow we got disconnected. Figures.
I tried again, pushing various option buttons until I got connected to a saleswoman who introduced herself as Pat. "Pat! Hey! I need some Mallomars- the stores here don't have them- can you please send me a few dozen boxes direct please?"
"Uh, no. Lady, we don't ship Mallomars from April to September. They melt"
"I've heard that- But look Pat...I am right here in
neighbors- They won't have TIME to melt." New York
"Sorry- we don't even have any to send. We've stopped production for the summer"
My voice took on the same low deep timbre as it did with the man in the store. I spoke slowly and carefully into the phone.
"Pat...Pat...look, I'm six months pregnant and desperate. I KNOW there are a few boxes kicking around there, maybe under your desk even. Pat....Pat...Are you holding out on me? Keeping all of that rich gooey chocoate goodness to yourself? I know where you live Pat....I'm even sure your desk is on the first floor...are you sure you don't want to send me a few little cookies? Pat...I have ways...."
I sighed and rubbed my belly. My poor daughter would never experience a Mallomar in utero. I had introduced her to a number of the finer gastric pleasures like hot naked buffalo wings, White Castle Hamburgers and dirty water dogs from a roadside truck, but this delight would have to wait.
I took a graham cracker, a slab of dark chocolate and a marshmallow, stacked them and threw the pile into the microwave for 10 seconds. It would have to do.
Then I made 4 more...